We’ve been together for about a year and it’s the best relationship I’ve been in. Last year, I had a lot go on in my life and I moved in with my dad (agnostic) and went back to school and got out from under the control of my mom (ultra Mormon). I eventually left the Mormon church and started living life. I had trouble dating guys my age on on Bumble, and eventually one of my dad’s friends took interest in me. My dad is open minded and was OK with the idea of us dating. The age gap was concerning originally; but, it turned into a relationship and I’ve been happy with it and how I’ve been treated. I’ve already started to catch heat in responses, so it’s important to clear up that he treats me well, he is a lot of things I look for in a partner, and he makes me laugh. I still live with my dad but he lives only 5 minutes away so I bounce back and forth between places.
He’s always been very sexual and kinky, but he recently shared more of his fantasies and I’m nervous about what to do. I’ve always been fulfilling and willing to try things he’s asked and I do them because I enjoy everything that goes along with it.
We had 6 of his friends over (All 50+ and 2 of who know or have met my dad) and we were in bed later in the evening, he told me how he likes how I’ve been willing to dress up sexier. He asked if I would be willing to push the limit even more the next time we hosted. That makes me a little nervous, because normally I don’t push the edge by dressing super provocatively.
It then turned into him suggesting having some of his best friends stay to see “what that sexy outfit is all about” and maybe I could take them back to the bedroom and have some fun with them. I sat up in bed and said, “WHAT?” (it was just my natural reaction) and he insisted that it would be a very erotic idea that I would be promiscuous with his friends. He said he fantasized that his friends could come over and I could help be an outlet of pleasure and an entertaining release to them and how he would even like to watch me have sex with them. I told him it was out of the question (again, that was my natural reaction and I reacted to very little information) and I totally shut him down, and I feel guilty about how I did that in hindsight. He mentioned to me he shouldn’t have brought it up the way he had, and I just left it at that.
I haven’t stopped thinking about it since Sunday night because I’m still processing it. That would be a major change from what I expected from our relationship. I also understand how important the sexual fantasy part of his life is (and the way it sounded, it was something he was excited about trying), and I feel guilty that I blackballed him and the idea. He’s left me 3 text messages and I haven’t responded yet; but, I’m going to write him an apology and just tell him I’m going to need to process this and we can talk about it. My issue is that I don’t even know where to begin having this conversation or how to express it. I’ve never come close to thinking about an idea like this.